Up: I got my new fiber optic internet service this week!
Down: I've spent two long nights trying to configure it, and it seems to be about as slow as ADSL... plus it looks like I'll no longer be able to receive incoming international calls. :(
Up?: I've ... gotten lots of Japanese reading practice trying to configure the system?
Up: The weather has been cooling off lately. Yay! I can finally walk around outdoors without being constantly drenched in sweat!
Down: I heard my first Christmas song in the shopping mall today on the way home from work. CHRISTMAS!!!! The song was "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" in case you were wondering.
Up?: Now I can stop complaining about the fact that Halloween decorations have been up since the end of August?
I don't have a third up-down-up pattern for today, but I did have a "Dylan moment" on the way home from work. I was sitting down on the train, sleep-deprived as usual, and I saw a poster for an LPGA tournament (evidently the Ladies' Professional Golf Association, as I would later retrospectively infer from the many pictures of ladies playing golf on the poster). The way it registered in my head, of course, and which seemed completely reasonable at the time, was that LPGA must be the Japanese branch of the Role Playing Game Association! Only later did I realize the alternative explanation...
16 October 2008
11 October 2008
07 October 2008
Evolution
So, I finally downloaded and watched the US Vice Presidential debate. And like countless others out there, I feel the need to blog about it. I haven't blogged in ages, and what better to start off with than a good ol' political rant! :)
In short, it was disappointing, basically because it wasn't a debate. They got away with dodging too many questions and let issues rest unresolved... Of course I and everyone I know wanted to see Biden tear Palin apart, but they just took turns reciting their memorized speeches. Kinda lame. Maverick, Maverick, Maverick, Scranton, Scranton, Scranton. Speeches and sound bites calculated by analysts and strategists to generate optimal public opinion impact.
I am thankful they didn't belabor any ridiculously divisive issues like gay marriage and abortion, simply because nothing useful would have been said whatsoever. I guess the political market has stabilized on the answer to the gay marriage question, as they agreed right off the bat to the most "voter-acceptable" response to that.
The Candidates
I thought Biden did a good job. He came across to me as intelligent, informed, and yet trustworthy and human in a way that John Kerry never seemed able to pull off. He made a few slip-ups, as did Palin, but we should forgive them both for those. The big issues are too important to dwell on who misspoke which words.
Sarah Palin made a much better impression on stage than she did on any of the news clips I'd seen before. I wish she hadn't. And she said a lot of things that I agreed with. At least... I agreed with the words she said. But even when she and Joe Biden said exactly the same phrases, I noticed sharp increases in my bile production every time she said them.
At first I thought it was because every word out of her mouth was either a double-edged lie or a slimy, twisted, sugar-coated, venomous dodge, topped off with a gosh darn down-home kitchen table mom smile and delivered with that irritating backwoods accent that made me homesick for George W. Bush's affected cowboy twang. And for the most part, yes, that was true. They were all lies, or at least every statement she made had an unspoken asterisk after it.
And polarization is such an easy groove to fall into, so I was enjoying despising her, but then every once in a while I caught myself and thought, come on... nobody can hate McCain! He seems like a good enough guy. I like him. But yet, that slimy venomous aftertaste persists...
Evolution - The Real Issue
But for me it's not about the people. I like Obama. I like McCain. I didn't know much about Joe Biden before, but I like him after seeing his debate performance. Palin makes me shudder, a haunting reminder of all the miserable, painful parts of growing up in *wince* small-town backstate America (Not that there weren't great things about it! But she doesn't represent those things to me at all). And besides the fact that she doesn't belong up there on stage at all, well... my real issue is not with her specifically.
It's the ridiculousness of what the debates represent. Both candidates were basically saying the same thing, but with different assumptions. "XXX is a problem. Let {Government, Industry} take care of it for you!" (Now, before I rip on the Republicans too hard... moderation in all things here. I would never say that unbridled socialism is unconditionally great, but looking at the miserable state of affairs in the US these days, we really do need a good solid hit of it!)
But as for the Republicans... Basically it always comes down to putting your faith in massive corporate power, in corporations already so enormous that they far outstrip the government's ability to regulate them. They regulate the government instead. Mega-conglomerates transcend nations in their power. They are self-propelling, living entities with no morality, no accountability, and no mercy, and we are the mindless, expendable parts, cast aside like scabs and dandruff when we have outlived our usefulness.
In a not-so-metaphorical sense, they are the next step in evolution, engulfing us whole, not unlike the transition from prokaryotes to eukaryotes! These massive organisms live symbiotically (parasitically?) alongside government and we are but organelles churning away inside them. To take an analogy a few steps too far, I see blue-collar workers as the mitochondria, engineers and consultants as the ribosomes, and the executives as the cell nucleus...
Or is society itself like a cell too, with farmers as the mitochondria, artists as the ribosomes, and educators and parents in the nucleus, propagating the DNA? In fact, I'd love to try to piece together an analogy likening the ATP-ADP cycle to the interaction of media, information, and religion in society, but it's past 2am on a worknight and Bio class was a long time ago!
So... speaking of biology and religion in a completely non-contrived segue... :P
Evolution - Not the Issue at All
You know, every search I come up with on the net talking about the debate brings up flamewars of vitriolic fervor, with creationists and evolutionists angrily ranting away, pro-life and pro-choice beating each other up. So many of the debates come down to Christianity. Why doesn't anybody see that the issues aren't about Christianity at all? I mean literally, NOT AT ALL. Religion is just like this brainwashing drug that America is hopelessly addicted to... and big business is holding the syringes.
It's this weird, completely nonsensical slippery-slope thing, this synesthesia of capitalism and Hebrew mythology, where people lose consciousness of where the moral parables of religion end and physical reality begins.
"I believe that abortion is wrong, because the Bible says that life is sacred." - ok, I follow that. I mean, I disagree, but I see its consistency with some interpretations of that set of beliefs. I think this issue is a special case, though, because it is so easy in this case to draw battle lines between religious beliefs and individual rights. (as opposed to, say, medical marijuana, where I'd say it's not so clear-cut)
"I believe that homosexual marriages are wrong, because there are passages in the Bible that condemn homosexuality" - ok, again, I think it's debatable even among those who generally follow the Bible's teachings, but sure, ok, somewhat relevant, possibly.
"I believe in privatized health care / deregulation of industry because God gave us freedom as Americans" - I don't know if anybody literally makes this direct connection in their heads, but it sure sounds like something you might hear, and I genuinely believe this is a critical muddling in the American mind. What I'm saying is WHERE DID THIS LEAP COME FROM? It's the sports fanatic mindset, soaring from fundamentalist religion into fundamentalist capitalism on the wings of sheer nationalistic pride...
"I believe we shouldn't ever put timelines on withdrawing from Iraq because, um, God bless our troops!" - Ok, so I never got exactly what that phrase meant, is it that we're asking God to bless our troops but not the people on the other side? Shouldn't God want peace, love, and harmony between all of his/her children regardless of national boundaries? Certainly I believe we should appreciate the great sacrifice that the soldiers in our armed forces are making for us but HOW IS THAT IN ANY WAY A JUSTIFICATION FOR KEEPING THEM OVER THERE IN HARM'S WAY?
Although I did appreciate Biden's last comment, "...and selfishly, god bless our troops." I don't think it was intended in the way I prefer to interpret it, but basically it sounds like a perfect response to my last paragraph.
Common Sense?
But please, America, learn to sort out your values and clear up some of that cognitive dissonance. Here's a start...
Religion can provide some good moral lessons, but it shouldn't be used as a pretext for going to war and CERTAINLY should not replace science and logic.
Science can help us study, predict, engineer, and understand the world around us, but Darwinism shouldn't be used as a moral justification for, say, unbridled capitalism.
Capitalism is useful as long as it doesn't get out of hand and defeat the market-regulating forces that keep it functional and useful through healthy competition. Don't believe in it unconditionally like a religion.
You know, I write these things and I feel like I'm writing to a kindergartner. Seriously, how is it that this election could possibly even be close?
Yet somehow, We The People seem to be awfully confused...
*sob*
In short, it was disappointing, basically because it wasn't a debate. They got away with dodging too many questions and let issues rest unresolved... Of course I and everyone I know wanted to see Biden tear Palin apart, but they just took turns reciting their memorized speeches. Kinda lame. Maverick, Maverick, Maverick, Scranton, Scranton, Scranton. Speeches and sound bites calculated by analysts and strategists to generate optimal public opinion impact.
I am thankful they didn't belabor any ridiculously divisive issues like gay marriage and abortion, simply because nothing useful would have been said whatsoever. I guess the political market has stabilized on the answer to the gay marriage question, as they agreed right off the bat to the most "voter-acceptable" response to that.
The Candidates
I thought Biden did a good job. He came across to me as intelligent, informed, and yet trustworthy and human in a way that John Kerry never seemed able to pull off. He made a few slip-ups, as did Palin, but we should forgive them both for those. The big issues are too important to dwell on who misspoke which words.
Sarah Palin made a much better impression on stage than she did on any of the news clips I'd seen before. I wish she hadn't. And she said a lot of things that I agreed with. At least... I agreed with the words she said. But even when she and Joe Biden said exactly the same phrases, I noticed sharp increases in my bile production every time she said them.
At first I thought it was because every word out of her mouth was either a double-edged lie or a slimy, twisted, sugar-coated, venomous dodge, topped off with a gosh darn down-home kitchen table mom smile and delivered with that irritating backwoods accent that made me homesick for George W. Bush's affected cowboy twang. And for the most part, yes, that was true. They were all lies, or at least every statement she made had an unspoken asterisk after it.
And polarization is such an easy groove to fall into, so I was enjoying despising her, but then every once in a while I caught myself and thought, come on... nobody can hate McCain! He seems like a good enough guy. I like him. But yet, that slimy venomous aftertaste persists...
Evolution - The Real Issue
But for me it's not about the people. I like Obama. I like McCain. I didn't know much about Joe Biden before, but I like him after seeing his debate performance. Palin makes me shudder, a haunting reminder of all the miserable, painful parts of growing up in *wince* small-town backstate America (Not that there weren't great things about it! But she doesn't represent those things to me at all). And besides the fact that she doesn't belong up there on stage at all, well... my real issue is not with her specifically.
It's the ridiculousness of what the debates represent. Both candidates were basically saying the same thing, but with different assumptions. "XXX is a problem. Let {Government, Industry} take care of it for you!" (Now, before I rip on the Republicans too hard... moderation in all things here. I would never say that unbridled socialism is unconditionally great, but looking at the miserable state of affairs in the US these days, we really do need a good solid hit of it!)
But as for the Republicans... Basically it always comes down to putting your faith in massive corporate power, in corporations already so enormous that they far outstrip the government's ability to regulate them. They regulate the government instead. Mega-conglomerates transcend nations in their power. They are self-propelling, living entities with no morality, no accountability, and no mercy, and we are the mindless, expendable parts, cast aside like scabs and dandruff when we have outlived our usefulness.
[Note: please nobody ever show this next bit to Mr. Henry or I'll retroactively fail 10th grade biology!]
In a not-so-metaphorical sense, they are the next step in evolution, engulfing us whole, not unlike the transition from prokaryotes to eukaryotes! These massive organisms live symbiotically (parasitically?) alongside government and we are but organelles churning away inside them. To take an analogy a few steps too far, I see blue-collar workers as the mitochondria, engineers and consultants as the ribosomes, and the executives as the cell nucleus...
Or is society itself like a cell too, with farmers as the mitochondria, artists as the ribosomes, and educators and parents in the nucleus, propagating the DNA? In fact, I'd love to try to piece together an analogy likening the ATP-ADP cycle to the interaction of media, information, and religion in society, but it's past 2am on a worknight and Bio class was a long time ago!
So... speaking of biology and religion in a completely non-contrived segue... :P
Evolution - Not the Issue at All
You know, every search I come up with on the net talking about the debate brings up flamewars of vitriolic fervor, with creationists and evolutionists angrily ranting away, pro-life and pro-choice beating each other up. So many of the debates come down to Christianity. Why doesn't anybody see that the issues aren't about Christianity at all? I mean literally, NOT AT ALL. Religion is just like this brainwashing drug that America is hopelessly addicted to... and big business is holding the syringes.
It's this weird, completely nonsensical slippery-slope thing, this synesthesia of capitalism and Hebrew mythology, where people lose consciousness of where the moral parables of religion end and physical reality begins.
"I believe that abortion is wrong, because the Bible says that life is sacred." - ok, I follow that. I mean, I disagree, but I see its consistency with some interpretations of that set of beliefs. I think this issue is a special case, though, because it is so easy in this case to draw battle lines between religious beliefs and individual rights. (as opposed to, say, medical marijuana, where I'd say it's not so clear-cut)
"I believe that homosexual marriages are wrong, because there are passages in the Bible that condemn homosexuality" - ok, again, I think it's debatable even among those who generally follow the Bible's teachings, but sure, ok, somewhat relevant, possibly.
"I believe in privatized health care / deregulation of industry because God gave us freedom as Americans" - I don't know if anybody literally makes this direct connection in their heads, but it sure sounds like something you might hear, and I genuinely believe this is a critical muddling in the American mind. What I'm saying is WHERE DID THIS LEAP COME FROM? It's the sports fanatic mindset, soaring from fundamentalist religion into fundamentalist capitalism on the wings of sheer nationalistic pride...
"I believe we shouldn't ever put timelines on withdrawing from Iraq because, um, God bless our troops!" - Ok, so I never got exactly what that phrase meant, is it that we're asking God to bless our troops but not the people on the other side? Shouldn't God want peace, love, and harmony between all of his/her children regardless of national boundaries? Certainly I believe we should appreciate the great sacrifice that the soldiers in our armed forces are making for us but HOW IS THAT IN ANY WAY A JUSTIFICATION FOR KEEPING THEM OVER THERE IN HARM'S WAY?
Although I did appreciate Biden's last comment, "...and selfishly, god bless our troops." I don't think it was intended in the way I prefer to interpret it, but basically it sounds like a perfect response to my last paragraph.
Common Sense?
But please, America, learn to sort out your values and clear up some of that cognitive dissonance. Here's a start...
Religion can provide some good moral lessons, but it shouldn't be used as a pretext for going to war and CERTAINLY should not replace science and logic.
Science can help us study, predict, engineer, and understand the world around us, but Darwinism shouldn't be used as a moral justification for, say, unbridled capitalism.
Capitalism is useful as long as it doesn't get out of hand and defeat the market-regulating forces that keep it functional and useful through healthy competition. Don't believe in it unconditionally like a religion.
You know, I write these things and I feel like I'm writing to a kindergartner. Seriously, how is it that this election could possibly even be close?
Yet somehow, We The People seem to be awfully confused...
*sob*
02 August 2008
Rubik's Cube
Hey, so I've been meaning to blog about several things lately... I canceled all my plans for the weekend so I can catch up on work, do my laundry, put my kitchen back together (had to clear it out for construction this week), and ideally catch up on emails and blogging and such.
But I don't think I'm going to write about my life tonight. I just wanted to share the latest xkcd comic with you. I laughed out loud when I saw this one!
But I don't think I'm going to write about my life tonight. I just wanted to share the latest xkcd comic with you. I laughed out loud when I saw this one!
09 May 2008
Tozai to the E
Three months ago, exhausted after a long day of work and a hard hour of voice lessons, Lito and I sat at the counter facing the window, looking out over the city below us. A decision needed to be made.
"You know, I've been really busy lately. I don't think I can put in the time to really do a good job at this."
"I've been feeling the same way. But I'd like to do it if we can."
"Sure, I just don't want to commit to something I don't have the time to deliver on."
"Look, why don't we just do it for fun... it'll be good practice, and if we lose, no big deal. We'll just do the best we can."
"Ok, I'm in."
And thus the two-man vocal duo, "Tozai Express", was born.
You can imagine my surprise when we were chosen to go on to the semifinals in the Miki Gakki 2008 Duet Competition. Or perhaps you imagined it when I blogged about it about a month ago.
As the date of the semifinals drew near, we both found ourselves caught up with other things, busy, seldom able to get together to practice. We squeezed in some rehearsals at each other's houses late at night, or in hurried half-hour sessions after our voice lessons and before he had to run off to other rehearsals.
In our second-to-last rehearsal, we totally mixed things up, throwing in alternating rap and voice percussion parts during the bridge. In the last days before the competition I found myself frantically practicing my rap, quietly in my room, at 3am...
The competition itself was an incredible production. The lighting systems were amazing, and the event started off with a video worthy of network TV pre-Olympics hype. Slow-motion shots of last year's competitors singing their hearts out, and the winners overcome with tears of joy, powerfully narrated with a moving voiceover and triumphant background music. A bit dramatic, but it set the stage well.
Many of the other groups were quite amazing, and after about five groups had gone, we had already conceded defeat. These people were amazing singers, with tightly choreographed moves and meticulous costumes. They had obviously spent long hours practicing and it paid off. The genres were spread across the board, ranging from Disney songs to traditional Hawaiian music, to cutesy teeny-bopper music and Aretha Franklin.
We went on stage 10th out of 30 groups, and I was far more nervous than I had anticipated (considering that I perform on stage about once a month). This was evident in the fact that, standing in the middle of the stage in the blazing spotlights, in front of hundreds of people, with our backing track blasting from the massive speaker racks to either side, the song barely begun, I noticed something...
... nobody was singing!
And then I noticed something else...
... I was the one who was supposed to be singing!
Whatever my frantic heartrate had been a moment before, it spiked severalfold as I realized I had just ruined the song we had been practicing for months, and we hadn't even finished the first verse!
At the same time, though, it was like a pressure valve had been released... I had already screwed up the song, and we had already lost. So basically it was the two of us on stage with a captive audience for another 4.5 minutes. There was nothing for us to do but rock out and have fun!
Of course the most challenging part came afterwards, when they interviewed us on stage in Japanese... I ended up saying some stuff that sounded kinda ridiculous, but we got some laughs from the audience, so it was all good. Except that my Japanese teacher happened to be in the audience as well... I'm gonna get it on Friday! :P
Anyway, our friends were very supportive and everybody said we did a great job. There were still around 4 hours of performances to sit through before hearing the results, and most of my friends left soon after we finished.
Finally, it came time to announce the winners. By this time I had made a mental estimate of about a 35% chance of us being selected among the top 8 groups, on the off-chance that the judges decided to be forgiving of my brainfart at the beginning of the song.
There was more production drama, and they built up lots of tension in the style of any good awards show. As they were about to announce the winners, they rattled a bunch of stuff off in really fast Japanese, and I totally missed it. But Lito and I agreed that even if we did get chosen, we could just follow the lead of whoever got chosen before us.
And then they announced the first winners: "Number 10, Tozai Express"...
...
numb shock
...
"Dude, that's us"
...
"Really?!"
"What the @#$%^&?"
We stumbled up onto the stage, not knowing what to make of this.
The crowd was cheering wildly, and we both bowed. Then one of the judges came up and presented us each with ... a medal! Standing there in our vests, bowing our heads to receive our medals, the only image in my mind was of the last scene in Star Wars. Sans Princess Leia of course. ;)
So that's it. We're going to the finals!! We're really going to try to start early and do a solid job this time. This is so awesome.
A heartfelt thanks to all our friends who came to support us. If anybody wants to come cheer for us at the finals on June 8, drop me an email!
"You know, I've been really busy lately. I don't think I can put in the time to really do a good job at this."
"I've been feeling the same way. But I'd like to do it if we can."
"Sure, I just don't want to commit to something I don't have the time to deliver on."
"Look, why don't we just do it for fun... it'll be good practice, and if we lose, no big deal. We'll just do the best we can."
"Ok, I'm in."
And thus the two-man vocal duo, "Tozai Express", was born.
You can imagine my surprise when we were chosen to go on to the semifinals in the Miki Gakki 2008 Duet Competition. Or perhaps you imagined it when I blogged about it about a month ago.
As the date of the semifinals drew near, we both found ourselves caught up with other things, busy, seldom able to get together to practice. We squeezed in some rehearsals at each other's houses late at night, or in hurried half-hour sessions after our voice lessons and before he had to run off to other rehearsals.
In our second-to-last rehearsal, we totally mixed things up, throwing in alternating rap and voice percussion parts during the bridge. In the last days before the competition I found myself frantically practicing my rap, quietly in my room, at 3am...
The competition itself was an incredible production. The lighting systems were amazing, and the event started off with a video worthy of network TV pre-Olympics hype. Slow-motion shots of last year's competitors singing their hearts out, and the winners overcome with tears of joy, powerfully narrated with a moving voiceover and triumphant background music. A bit dramatic, but it set the stage well.
Many of the other groups were quite amazing, and after about five groups had gone, we had already conceded defeat. These people were amazing singers, with tightly choreographed moves and meticulous costumes. They had obviously spent long hours practicing and it paid off. The genres were spread across the board, ranging from Disney songs to traditional Hawaiian music, to cutesy teeny-bopper music and Aretha Franklin.
We went on stage 10th out of 30 groups, and I was far more nervous than I had anticipated (considering that I perform on stage about once a month). This was evident in the fact that, standing in the middle of the stage in the blazing spotlights, in front of hundreds of people, with our backing track blasting from the massive speaker racks to either side, the song barely begun, I noticed something...
... nobody was singing!
And then I noticed something else...
... I was the one who was supposed to be singing!
Whatever my frantic heartrate had been a moment before, it spiked severalfold as I realized I had just ruined the song we had been practicing for months, and we hadn't even finished the first verse!
At the same time, though, it was like a pressure valve had been released... I had already screwed up the song, and we had already lost. So basically it was the two of us on stage with a captive audience for another 4.5 minutes. There was nothing for us to do but rock out and have fun!
Of course the most challenging part came afterwards, when they interviewed us on stage in Japanese... I ended up saying some stuff that sounded kinda ridiculous, but we got some laughs from the audience, so it was all good. Except that my Japanese teacher happened to be in the audience as well... I'm gonna get it on Friday! :P
Anyway, our friends were very supportive and everybody said we did a great job. There were still around 4 hours of performances to sit through before hearing the results, and most of my friends left soon after we finished.
Finally, it came time to announce the winners. By this time I had made a mental estimate of about a 35% chance of us being selected among the top 8 groups, on the off-chance that the judges decided to be forgiving of my brainfart at the beginning of the song.
There was more production drama, and they built up lots of tension in the style of any good awards show. As they were about to announce the winners, they rattled a bunch of stuff off in really fast Japanese, and I totally missed it. But Lito and I agreed that even if we did get chosen, we could just follow the lead of whoever got chosen before us.
And then they announced the first winners: "Number 10, Tozai Express"...
...
numb shock
...
"Dude, that's us"
...
"Really?!"
"What the @#$%^&?"
We stumbled up onto the stage, not knowing what to make of this.
The crowd was cheering wildly, and we both bowed. Then one of the judges came up and presented us each with ... a medal! Standing there in our vests, bowing our heads to receive our medals, the only image in my mind was of the last scene in Star Wars. Sans Princess Leia of course. ;)
So that's it. We're going to the finals!! We're really going to try to start early and do a solid job this time. This is so awesome.
A heartfelt thanks to all our friends who came to support us. If anybody wants to come cheer for us at the finals on June 8, drop me an email!
21 April 2008
New toy - a green laser pointer!
Haha...
So my parents came to Japan - FINALLY - last week, and we had lots of adventures that I'd love to blog about. But one thing they brought me was a new green laser pointer! (which I had actually bought myself and had shipped to them, but details, details)
Anyway, it totally rocks, and I've been playing with it all weekend. Just thought I'd post this picture which, though juvenile, is still, in my opinion, cool. ;) Taken on long-exposure night mode in a pitch-black room.
By the way, on a related note, check out this cool application presented at the last Human-Robot Interaction conference - "A Point-and-Click Interface for the Real World"
So my parents came to Japan - FINALLY - last week, and we had lots of adventures that I'd love to blog about. But one thing they brought me was a new green laser pointer! (which I had actually bought myself and had shipped to them, but details, details)
Anyway, it totally rocks, and I've been playing with it all weekend. Just thought I'd post this picture which, though juvenile, is still, in my opinion, cool. ;) Taken on long-exposure night mode in a pitch-black room.
By the way, on a related note, check out this cool application presented at the last Human-Robot Interaction conference - "A Point-and-Click Interface for the Real World"
07 April 2008
Advanced technology, my butt!
Impulsive? Certainly. Gratuitous? Undoubtedly. Silly? Perhaps. But I have finally fulfilled one of my life-(in Japan)-long dreams. (And grammatically speaking, how _does_ one correctly insert a parenthetical note mid-(if this is even a word)-hyphenation?)
This was several years in coming, but something just told me the time was right to "ride the wave", so to speak, and join the Japanese in enjoying that pinnacle of technological achievements, the "Washlet".
Perhaps best likened to a creative fusion between a traditional toilet seat, R2-D2, and a supersoaker, most of my readers will have at least passing knowledge of this brilliant innovation from the nation who first pioneered the use of splintery wooden sticks as toilet paper many years ago.
The model I bought was at the "bottom end" of the price spectrum, and lacks so many of the sophisticated features that are advertised in the glossy brochures, such as the following:
- wall-mounted motion detection system
- self-opening toilet seat lid
- artificial "flushing" sound to cover biological noises
- built-in bathroom heater
- ejector seat mechanism
And yet, I find myself utterly unable to find any dissatisfaction with the basic functionality this device provides. Once I had worked my way through the sixteen pages of detailed installation instructions in Japanese, that is...
The experience
The excitement begins as you sit down on the (pre-heated) seat, and you feel and hear the main engines firing up, like a jet warming up on the tarmac. An internal ventilation system begins sucking in and filtering the air inside the bowl to remove any unwanted odors. Meanwhile, heating coils prime the water in a holding tank, heating it exactly to the temperature set via the built-in side-mounted control panel.
When your business is finished, you can reach up to grab the removable wall-mounted remote control panel and push the button with the international symbol for "butt" on it. A hidden panel deep within the machine slides back, and unseen, a long stainless steel cylinder extends from under the rim of the toilet seat beneath you, not unlike Luke's lightsaber emerging from Artoo's secret panel as Luke prepares to walk the plank on Jabba the Hutt's skiff.
Once fully extended, a jet of water leaps forth from the lightsaber. However, this is no random spray - it is a high-performance, precision-controlled stream. Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster, this is an elegant weapon for a more civilized time. The control panel sports a variety of buttons enabling you to delicately adjust the position and strength of the stream, set it to oscillate, fire it in pulses, or put it into overdrive. With a little practice, you can find just the combination of settings to blast the Sarlacc out of your, um, Pit of Carcoon.
As a bonus, there is an additional function for the ladies. Pressing the button with the girl's face on it (yes, that's next to the button with the international symbol for "butt" on it) triggers a smaller stainless steel cylinder to telescope out of the larger cylinder, reminiscent of the internal jaws of the creatures in Alien. This cylinder has several holes for delivering a more even, gentle spray, although of course with no less precision of control.
Every contingency has been anticipated. If you're worried about being startled by the experience and jumping up, spraying the walls with water, have no fear. A pressure switch in the toilet seat acts as a safety stop. If you're tired of leaning over to the side to find just the right combinations of control settings, worry no longer. The control panel is a detachable wireless remote control which bounces signals off the ceiling to a sensor on the back of the washlet.
But perhaps the most eerie function of all is the "etiquette spot", the effect of which is most poignant in the dark of night. Lifting the toilet seat automatically activates the "etiquette" system which, like a Predator UAV painting a target for your laser-guided weapon, projects a green dot in the center of the bottom of the toilet bowl, a vivid green bull's eye to keep men focused on the task at hand. Far, however, from being a solitary point in the darkness, the "etiquette spot" has the side effect of illuminating the entire bowl with an unnatural, otherworldly green glow, not unlike an ominous gateway to an evil B-movie nether dimension.
All of this technology and design together launches this device firmly into the curiously ambiguous space between "What in the *@#$% are they thinking?" and "I can't POSSIBLY live without this!" However what is irrefutable is the uncompromising quality of their precision design, which I can only imagine to be the product of decades of research by dedicated engineers, meticulously adjusting complex empirically-derived equations modeling viscosity and solubility (of, um, colloids?), and preparing their solutions for wind-tunnel testing by running elaborate simulations on high-precision finite-element models of the butt.
This was several years in coming, but something just told me the time was right to "ride the wave", so to speak, and join the Japanese in enjoying that pinnacle of technological achievements, the "Washlet".
Perhaps best likened to a creative fusion between a traditional toilet seat, R2-D2, and a supersoaker, most of my readers will have at least passing knowledge of this brilliant innovation from the nation who first pioneered the use of splintery wooden sticks as toilet paper many years ago.
The model I bought was at the "bottom end" of the price spectrum, and lacks so many of the sophisticated features that are advertised in the glossy brochures, such as the following:
- wall-mounted motion detection system
- self-opening toilet seat lid
- artificial "flushing" sound to cover biological noises
- built-in bathroom heater
- ejector seat mechanism
And yet, I find myself utterly unable to find any dissatisfaction with the basic functionality this device provides. Once I had worked my way through the sixteen pages of detailed installation instructions in Japanese, that is...
The experience
The excitement begins as you sit down on the (pre-heated) seat, and you feel and hear the main engines firing up, like a jet warming up on the tarmac. An internal ventilation system begins sucking in and filtering the air inside the bowl to remove any unwanted odors. Meanwhile, heating coils prime the water in a holding tank, heating it exactly to the temperature set via the built-in side-mounted control panel.
When your business is finished, you can reach up to grab the removable wall-mounted remote control panel and push the button with the international symbol for "butt" on it. A hidden panel deep within the machine slides back, and unseen, a long stainless steel cylinder extends from under the rim of the toilet seat beneath you, not unlike Luke's lightsaber emerging from Artoo's secret panel as Luke prepares to walk the plank on Jabba the Hutt's skiff.
Once fully extended, a jet of water leaps forth from the lightsaber. However, this is no random spray - it is a high-performance, precision-controlled stream. Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster, this is an elegant weapon for a more civilized time. The control panel sports a variety of buttons enabling you to delicately adjust the position and strength of the stream, set it to oscillate, fire it in pulses, or put it into overdrive. With a little practice, you can find just the combination of settings to blast the Sarlacc out of your, um, Pit of Carcoon.
As a bonus, there is an additional function for the ladies. Pressing the button with the girl's face on it (yes, that's next to the button with the international symbol for "butt" on it) triggers a smaller stainless steel cylinder to telescope out of the larger cylinder, reminiscent of the internal jaws of the creatures in Alien. This cylinder has several holes for delivering a more even, gentle spray, although of course with no less precision of control.
Every contingency has been anticipated. If you're worried about being startled by the experience and jumping up, spraying the walls with water, have no fear. A pressure switch in the toilet seat acts as a safety stop. If you're tired of leaning over to the side to find just the right combinations of control settings, worry no longer. The control panel is a detachable wireless remote control which bounces signals off the ceiling to a sensor on the back of the washlet.
But perhaps the most eerie function of all is the "etiquette spot", the effect of which is most poignant in the dark of night. Lifting the toilet seat automatically activates the "etiquette" system which, like a Predator UAV painting a target for your laser-guided weapon, projects a green dot in the center of the bottom of the toilet bowl, a vivid green bull's eye to keep men focused on the task at hand. Far, however, from being a solitary point in the darkness, the "etiquette spot" has the side effect of illuminating the entire bowl with an unnatural, otherworldly green glow, not unlike an ominous gateway to an evil B-movie nether dimension.
All of this technology and design together launches this device firmly into the curiously ambiguous space between "What in the *@#$% are they thinking?" and "I can't POSSIBLY live without this!" However what is irrefutable is the uncompromising quality of their precision design, which I can only imagine to be the product of decades of research by dedicated engineers, meticulously adjusting complex empirically-derived equations modeling viscosity and solubility (of, um, colloids?), and preparing their solutions for wind-tunnel testing by running elaborate simulations on high-precision finite-element models of the butt.
02 April 2008
Duet Competition
So, they announced the results of the Miki Gakki duet competition a few hours ago, and we passed the first round! Gotta come up with something good for the semifinals now...
Here are the results from the first round. I'm so psyched!
Here's a shot of the two of us with our vocal teacher, just after the first-round competition a month ago.
Here are the results from the first round. I'm so psyched!
Here's a shot of the two of us with our vocal teacher, just after the first-round competition a month ago.
21 March 2008
Awesome Lifelike Quadruped Walking Robot
Ok, it's very late at night but I'll blame it on the jet-lag. Although of course it's not jet-lag, it's just my lifestyle.
I felt the obligation to post this video due to the sheer numbers of friends from across the world who have emailed this link to me. The lifelikeness of this robot's motion is really eerie. Of course, my robots roll rather than walk, but I can certainly appreciate the vast amount of work that goes into making a machine operate with this level of flexibility, speed, and robustness!
Of course, thinking of this technology in military hands is a little scary. I just got back from a robotics conference where they had a whole panel discussion on robo-ethics, and a lot of that centered around the military use of robots. Not to delve into that abyss at the moment, but watching this video in that context does conjure up images of unstoppable invading robot armies swarming across the landscape...
I felt the obligation to post this video due to the sheer numbers of friends from across the world who have emailed this link to me. The lifelikeness of this robot's motion is really eerie. Of course, my robots roll rather than walk, but I can certainly appreciate the vast amount of work that goes into making a machine operate with this level of flexibility, speed, and robustness!
Of course, thinking of this technology in military hands is a little scary. I just got back from a robotics conference where they had a whole panel discussion on robo-ethics, and a lot of that centered around the military use of robots. Not to delve into that abyss at the moment, but watching this video in that context does conjure up images of unstoppable invading robot armies swarming across the landscape...
28 February 2008
The Wrong Side of the Brain
So... I was all psyched to participate in this experiment where they were going to scan my brain and stuff. I was really looking forward to it and hoping I could get a screencapture or two of my brain in action.
Alas, I was disqualified during the initial screening. Why? Because I'm left-handed. Apparently left-handed people tend to have screwy brain wiring and thus don't make good experimental subjects for these sorts of experiments.
Bummed out about that, I came home and did some reading on Wikipedia and whatnot. It looks like the term for what I am is "cross-dominant", since I favor my left hand for some tasks (writing, using scissors, mousing - generally things requiring precision) and my right for others (baseball, splitting wood, hockey, etc. - generally things requiring strength). On top of that, I'm right-footed, but left-eyed. I don't know which is my dominant ear, but I suspect it's my left.
I'm really curious as to how this affects my cognitive processing and my brain's layout.. apparently there are all sorts of variations between people and an endless supply of theories out there as to causes.
I also ran across this rather interesting article, showing a direct correlation between murder rates (!) and left-handedness in primitive societies. But even though lots of half-baked theories exist, the conclusion seems to be that basically nobody has any idea what handedness is all about.
Of course, whenever I sit around pondering why I'm left-handed, I remind myself that there are deeper mysteries in the world - for example, why I am I. That one has been spinning my head around for years now. And then I am content to let the questions lie. Until the next unexplainable mystery pops into my head. ;)
And of course, I had to take a 20-question quiz to see what it said. I don't know what these results mean in light of my cross-dominance, however. But I do think "cross-dominance" is a pretty kickass-sounding term. :)
(is there such thing as "cross-submissiveness", for that matter? ;)
(and should "kickass-sounding" actually be doubly-hyphenated?)
um... dogs? Prefers them to what? To cats? Or to ... lack of dogs?
Alas, I was disqualified during the initial screening. Why? Because I'm left-handed. Apparently left-handed people tend to have screwy brain wiring and thus don't make good experimental subjects for these sorts of experiments.
Bummed out about that, I came home and did some reading on Wikipedia and whatnot. It looks like the term for what I am is "cross-dominant", since I favor my left hand for some tasks (writing, using scissors, mousing - generally things requiring precision) and my right for others (baseball, splitting wood, hockey, etc. - generally things requiring strength). On top of that, I'm right-footed, but left-eyed. I don't know which is my dominant ear, but I suspect it's my left.
I'm really curious as to how this affects my cognitive processing and my brain's layout.. apparently there are all sorts of variations between people and an endless supply of theories out there as to causes.
I also ran across this rather interesting article, showing a direct correlation between murder rates (!) and left-handedness in primitive societies. But even though lots of half-baked theories exist, the conclusion seems to be that basically nobody has any idea what handedness is all about.
Of course, whenever I sit around pondering why I'm left-handed, I remind myself that there are deeper mysteries in the world - for example, why I am I. That one has been spinning my head around for years now. And then I am content to let the questions lie. Until the next unexplainable mystery pops into my head. ;)
And of course, I had to take a 20-question quiz to see what it said. I don't know what these results mean in light of my cross-dominance, however. But I do think "cross-dominance" is a pretty kickass-sounding term. :)
(is there such thing as "cross-submissiveness", for that matter? ;)
(and should "kickass-sounding" actually be doubly-hyphenated?)
You Are 15% Left Brained, 85% Right Brained |
 The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
um... dogs? Prefers them to what? To cats? Or to ... lack of dogs?
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